Semantics

What straight guys call "wrestling" is what gay guys call "foreplay." It is what it is despite the semantics.

Comedy

When it comes to comedy, 90% of it is observation. You have no idea how humorous three fat women attempting to squeeze under one umbrella can be until you observe it yourself.

Abortion

Support a woman's right to choose. What if Hitler had been aborted?

Trendy

Tanning is a great way to give your skin that "leather handbag" look that is so popular today.

Cleaning products

Bleach is for your laundry, not your hair.

Izzle

Rap has lost all credibility. Anyone can rhyme as long as blacks are replacing the endings of words with -izzle, even me: Fo' shizzle my nizzle, we's up in this hizzle, n' we's gettin' bizzle n' sipin' our crizzle.

Cliched

People should stop saying "that's so gay" because it is old and tired. Saying "that's so Bravo" would be more trendy and up to date.

Chinese food

Don't eat at Chinese restaurants located next to dog pounds.

Politics

Clinton got a blow job and they tried to impeach him. Cheney shot someone in the face and nothing happens... I am not even going to mention all the crap Bush is getting away with.

Cars

A $40,000 car can do a lot for you like play your MP3s, heat your seat, and give you directions. It cannot, however, compensate for your small penis.

Feminists

Why do feminists not fight for a woman's right to be drafted, or the right to be expected to pay for everything on a date?

Bicycles

Owning a bicycle is not a permit for 24/7 spandex wear.

Merging

If the speed limit for a highway is 55mph you should not attempt to merge onto it doing 35mph. Acceleration lanes are aptly named for a reason.

Confederate flag

Southern whites say the Confederate flag is not a symbol of racism. I have never seen a black person displaying one.

Happiness

Most fat women are happy because they are well fed and have big boobs. Most skinny women are bitches because they are starving and pissed off about being flat chested.